28

Since I began this recovery journey several years ago, I’ve estimated that I have struggled with bulimia “for about 25 years.” This morning, I realized that’s really no longer true. I’m 43 now, and I started dabbling with eating disorders of various ilk when I was 14-15, and really fell deeply into bulimia when I was 16. And, I’ve been here ever since. The truth is, I’m closer to 30 years with this disorder than I am to 25.

It’s an anniversary I never wanted to reach.

Of course, as in all relationships, my relationship with this ED has changed over the past three decades. But, I am tired of the hierarchical arrangement where it has always had the upper hand. Where I’ve had to walk on eggshells and hold my breath to tiptoe around the sleeping disorder, praying that I didn’t do the one thing that would tip the scales, unleash the monster again.

Day 2.