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Graduation

Today, my therapist and I decided that I’ve graduated, more or less. I’m going to see her in a month and we’ll decide whether the monthly check-ins will work, whether I need more frequent sessions, or whether we’re ready for a break. She said, “You are an entirely different person than you were when weContinue reading “Graduation”

Hiatus

I think I’ll take a little break from this blog until I have something I feel I need to share. I committed to posting everyday in order to make myself accountable, and I really relied on this blog for that for a long while. But, I feel like I’ve come to the end of whatContinue reading “Hiatus”

Happy

Today, I’m happy. And, I’ve realized that over the last several weeks, my overriding emotion has been happiness. I’m grateful for my life and body and have been fostering meaningful relationships. My little family is amazing, and I’ve been working not to let anxiety steal that joy. I’m happy. Day 157.

Body Image

Today, we’re having a huge backyard party for about 20 of my colleagues/spouses and 6 kids. We’re having Mexican food catered and have the pool ready to go for the kids. Since my littlest is 3 and can’t confidently swim on her own, I’ll need to be in the pool with her. So, in aContinue reading “Body Image”

Realization

About 6 months ago, I went to my GP with a complaint of shoulder pain. It’s something with which I’ve struggled every month right before my period, and it got to the point of being unbearable. This is an issue that began when I was pregnant with my first child 7 years ago, and itContinue reading “Realization”

Oxygen

It always surprises me a little that I have a gut reaction to the flight attendant’s cheerful mandate to put one’s own mask on before assisting others, in the event of an emergency. I’ve thought about what I would do in an emergency on a plane with my kids—because I am the queen of visualizingContinue reading “Oxygen”

Letters

I love writing letters. I don’t do it often enough, but I have always loved the act of writing by hand and sending and receiving letters. I am actual pen pals with my doctoral professor/advisor. We write real letters delivered via snail mail and have sort of tacitly agreed that we won’t email unless aContinue reading “Letters”

Hip Flexors

My hip flexors are always terribly tight. I know it sounds ridiculous, but in my speciality, I end up using (and misusing) them all the time, which means that sometimes I’m creating patterns with my feet for 8 hours a day, at the expense of my hip flexors (mysterious, I know…). So, coupled with prettyContinue reading “Hip Flexors”

150

Here’s to 150 days since my last purge! 5 months of recovery down, and a lifetime to go. I’m feeling good these days, and while eating is still a struggle on some days, I can pretty certainly say that purging does not feel like an option anymore. I’ve worked through some pretty major issues withContinue reading “150”

Connections

Most of the topics I’ve discussed in therapy have been expected–childhood trauma, relationship with food, parents, estranged brother, anxiety, perfectionism… you know, the usual culprits. But, one thing that has surprised me is how much talking we’ve done about friendships. (Or, rather, how much my therapist has urged me to find meaningful friendships with peopleContinue reading “Connections”

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