Cycles

I’ve been feeling pretty solid in my recovery lately. Until yesterday… I was so hungry and bloated and tired. I ate everything salty in sight and still wanted more. I typically count my macros, unless I’m feeling particularly precarious with my ED. It helps me realize that one “bad” choice doesn’t need to derail my whole day. Anyhow, I had far surpassed all my usual macro counts well before dinner, and I was feeling sluggish and defeated.

I felt the usual pull of my ED creeping into my chest, but I managed to maintain the upper hand with some deep breathing, a walk, and a cup of tea. I went to bed feeling like the day was sloppy, but at least not all lost.

Today I checked my day counter and almost laughed. I’m on 27 days, which means that the last time I slipped and needed to restart my counter was in the days immediately before my period. I am in perimenopause, having had a menstrual cycle for over 30 years. And still, I am shocked when I feel like that before my period begins.

Anyhow, today is slightly better and I’m not as ravenous as yesterday. I need to remember that my body will naturally compensate for the odd days of over- or under-eating.

Day 27.