Hello, Old Friend

I haven’t posted in a long time. It would be nice to say that recovery is going so well that I haven’t felt the need to post. But, the reality is that I find myself back on Day 1 of my counter, having slipped yesterday, but also several times before that. I managed to get to 30 days, and then 14, and 7, and 2, and then 1… and 1… and 1.. and 1 again.

So, here I am. I received some gut-wrenching news yesterday about a close friend and colleague’s terminal, aggressive, illness, and I have been spiraling about some other things lately, so I gave in.

This makes sense, of course, but I’m sick of allowing myself to slip back into my ED because things are tough–that’s life. And, if those are my parameters–even unconsciously–then, I’m in a tricky spot. Life will continue to throw curves, and the bad news and hits will keep coming.

So Im back here today, on Day 1 for the millionth time, hoping this will be the last one. I need to get back to this to hold myself accountable, and I need to get back to meditating, and doing those things I know will quiet my mind enough to keep on for another day.

Day 1.