I generally sleep pretty well, but lately my mind has been running and I just can’t turn off my ears from hearing every little sound. My husband’s snoring has gradually gotten louder and more annoying as the years go on, and I just cannot force myself not to hear it. I’ve tried so many brands of ear plug; I have high quality noise-cancelling headphones. I’ve tried wearing my noise-cancelling Airpods and listening to sleep-inducing meditations. But I cannot NOT hear him if he falls asleep before me, which happens nearly every night, since he is blessed to be able to fall soundly asleep within 30 seconds.

I have lately found myself thinking though all sorts of things–not necessarily heavy issues, but just thinking of random people or events, replaying scenes from the day in my head. Maybe it’s that I’ve started drinking an extra cup of decaf coffee in the evenings…. I know there is still a tiny bit of caffeine in there. Who knows. But, I’m tired. I resorted to a half tablet of a sleep aid last night around midnight, which I knew would be a mistake come 6am this morning, but it did finally get me to sleep. I just feel such pressure to fall asleep quickly when we get in bed, and I just can’t make that happen. Then the snoring starts and I know it’s a lost cause until I stumble out to the guest room or sectional couch an hour later. Sigh. Day 49.

Published by Quitter

I’m a college professor, wife, and mother of 2 small kids. I’m on a recovery journey 20 years in the making.

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