Fog

I think my fog is starting to lift. I really haven’t been in this kind of funk for a long while. I wasn’t full-on depressed, really. I mean, I had no other option than to get out of bed, fake my usual cheeriness for my students, and get all my shit done. So, I was functional, but just a little… off. A little—actually, a lot—sadder than usual.

I’m not sure what helped, or whether this was just the natural progression of a mood swing, but I do know a couple things:

  • I gained some weight. No surprise, really. I wasn’t motivated to work out, so I only managed two sessions last week instead of my usual five. The only thing I WAS motivated to do was eat. We’re talking powdered donuts and cheese. Not together. But, copious amount of both were consumed this week.
  • I tried to make myself stop and just “be” when I was able. I had that weird hour of just lying in bed not thinking about anything. I let myself just zone out while sitting with my kids after work.
  • I reminded myself that this too shall pass, and that there will be another side of things soon.
  • I tried not to force my happy face at home. My husband didn’t seem to notice that I was feeling especially down, but I did make a point not to be all cheery and smiley when I wasn’t feeling it.
  • I rescheduled some things. I didn’t cancel the stuff I’m responsible for doing (classes, meetings), but I did move some stuff around to make the upcoming week better–I’ve got three sessions with my trainer on the books, and my days are a little more evenly spaced out.
  • I canceled some other things. I was a little resentful about canceling the massage I had on the books for Friday (the ONE time in 5 months that I actually was able to squeeze one onto my calendar), which I cancelled due to my daughter being severely ill. But, then I realized I didn’t actually want to go anyhow–it was a stressor just because it was another thing I had to do.

Not at all anything I did, but I also had some major events that got ticked off my calendar. It helps just to get a few things off the books.

Day 124.

Published by Quitter

I’m a college professor, wife, and mother of 2 small kids. I’m on a recovery journey 20 years in the making.

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