Binge

Yesterday afternoon, I binged. I didn’t call it that in the moment, but that’s what it was. I tried to convince myself that it wasn’t REALLY bingeing, because I WAS legitimately hungry, and I didn’t eat the WHOLE package of frosted raspberry loaf… just two big pieces (maybe three?) and then the frosted tops off the rest of the slices.

Here’s the thing: that’s not “normal”. So, it was a binge. It may have been less than I would’ve binged had I planned on purging after, but it was still more than I would normally have taken in, and more than I needed.

I was feeling sad. I need to process what that means and why I’ve been feeling that way lately, but that’s for another post.

For now, I’m admitting the binge and feeling grateful that I sat with it and didn’t purge. That all feels a lot more like failure than victory, but I guess we need to take what we can get.

Day 131.

Published by Quitter

I’m a college professor, wife, and mother of 2 small kids. I’m on a recovery journey 20 years in the making.

3 thoughts on “Binge

  1. Maybe it wasn’t “normal” but what’s normal? If you were saying to yourself it was bad to the list or to eat a certain amount of it, of course it was going to be more tempting for ED to jump in with guilt. I’m so proud of you for not purging!

    Liked by 1 person

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