Yesterday afternoon, I binged. I didn’t call it that in the moment, but that’s what it was. I tried to convince myself that it wasn’t REALLY bingeing, because I WAS legitimately hungry, and I didn’t eat the WHOLE package of frosted raspberry loaf… just two big pieces (maybe three?) and then the frosted tops off the rest of the slices.
Here’s the thing: that’s not “normal”. So, it was a binge. It may have been less than I would’ve binged had I planned on purging after, but it was still more than I would normally have taken in, and more than I needed.
I was feeling sad. I need to process what that means and why I’ve been feeling that way lately, but that’s for another post.
For now, I’m admitting the binge and feeling grateful that I sat with it and didn’t purge. That all feels a lot more like failure than victory, but I guess we need to take what we can get.
Day 131.
I Quit: Giving up Bulimia 
Maybe it wasn’t “normal” but what’s normal? If you were saying to yourself it was bad to the list or to eat a certain amount of it, of course it was going to be more tempting for ED to jump in with guilt. I’m so proud of you for not purging!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks. I know you’re right, that arbitrary “rules” don’t help anything. Sigh. It’s a constant battle!
LikeLiked by 1 person
The loaf* not list
LikeLike