Roller coaster

It’s amazing to me how things can feel so, so high on some days and so, so low on others. Sometimes, I leap awake in the morning feeling so strong and healthy and ready to take on the day. Others, I wake up feeling heavy, bloated, like my legs are lead.

Today is one of the leaden legs days. I feel like I’ve gained some weight (or, at least I’m bloated) with my newfound freedom to eat things I normally wouldn’t. It’s not a great feeling. Coupled with not having had time to shower (yay for little kids!) and my period creeping up, I just feel gross. Today might be a hard day.

I’ve accepted that there will be peaks and valleys, that some days it will take all my willpower not to give into the dark thoughts that one purge isn’t the end of the world. I am committed to this journey, as hard as it may be. Day 41.

Published by Quitter

I’m a college professor, wife, and mother of 2 small kids. I’m on a recovery journey 20 years in the making.

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