bulimia recovery – I Quit: Giving up Bulimia

Godsend

I am 175 days into recovery *this* time. This morning, as I was getting ready for work, I started crying tears of gratitude and happiness. Just completely out of nowhere. If I had not been alone, I’m sure it would’ve scared whomever was around. I was thinking about how insanely blessed I am and howContinue reading “Godsend”

Famished

I try to embrace intuitive eating. This is challenging for me, since the last time I really ate intuitively was probably 35 years ago… But, I’m trying to trust my body. This means that some days, I listen to my body and I say, “Seriously? You’re STILL hungry?” and then I keep eating. Today wasContinue reading “Famished”

Investments

I’ve been thinking of the things I invest in, and how it’s possible that I haven’t invested seriously in recovery lately. I used to feel guilty over spending money–not just because it’s my husband who makes the vast majority of our money, but also because I was raised without having money. We didn’t have muchContinue reading “Investments”

Day 5.

I am working on naming the emotions I’m feeling in the moment, and trying to get to the root cause of them. My therapist has suggested writing an action list for how I can start to feel better about these things, or how I might respond to a “worst case” scenario, but sometimes it’s hardContinue reading “Day 5.”

Day 4.

This has been a fulfilling weekend, with lots of family time. But, we were stuck inside all day Saturday with a kiddo’s tournament, and all day today due to miserable icy weather. I indulged in some larger portions and higher-fat foods than I usually might, and I’m in my personal “hell week” — the weekContinue reading “Day 4.”

Day 3. Again.

I had a decent run, and then I had a weird trigger after 12 days… So, here I am again only 3 days in. My “trigger” was a collection of things. The usual stress that I experience during this performance season–it’s usually my toughest period in the year. But, what I hadn’t expected was seeingContinue reading “Day 3. Again.”

Family

My parents came to visit for the Thanksgiving holiday. This is different from most previous years, where we traveled with the kids and tried to see everyone on both sides of the family in four days. That was exhausting and stressful, but it was also fun to catch up and see everyone for the holiday.Continue reading “Family”

Day 3.

Day 3 was sloppy. I’m at the end of the day, sitting in bed, having brushed my teeth and knowing that I did in fact “make it,” but it wasn’t pretty. I’ve been trying to figure out what sets me “off” for this feeling, and I honestly think it’s when I eat breakfast when IContinue reading “Day 3.”

Day 1.

I’m back to the beginning, Day 1. Today, I decided that I’m going to stop feeling disappointed and dejected that I relapsed after nearly 300 days of recovery. Instead, I’m going to treat this as a blank slate, a chance to start anew with hope and excitement, and as a learning experience to see howContinue reading “Day 1.”

Hard Reset

My day counter reads like elementary coding. 0 days, 1 day, 0, 1, 0, 1, 0. Today is Day 1. Actually, it hasn’t even been 24 hours since my last purge, but I’m going with it. Day 1. Back to the start. I’ve decided that I truly need to go back to the start andContinue reading “Hard Reset”