Trigger

I don’t necessarily have set-in-stone food triggers for bulimia. Some days I can eat pizza and desserts without feeling a twinge of guilt, and other days I can eat healthily all day and still feel like I would really feel better after a good purge. I realize that’s because my triggers are emotional–when I’m feeling poorly about myself physically, mentally, emotionally.

But, one thing that’s really hard for me to enjoy anymore is soda. I know this is two-fold. The carbonation makes me feel a little bloated and heavy in my stomach. But, a larger part is that I abused diet soda for so long as a means to make the food come up more easily.

I don’t drink much soda anymore, but sometimes I really crave a Diet Coke and will order one when we’re in the drive through, or pick up a bottle at the store. I started feeling crappy this afternoon and was wondering what it was all about, and then I looked at the Diet Coke fizzing away in my glass and realized why. I know better and still can’t say no… but at least I’m saying no to the purging. Day 47.