100

Today marks 100 days since my last purging episode. I’m struck by any number of things:

  • I’m honestly a little disheartened that things don’t feel much different. I don’t know why I sent this arbitrary number and assumed (hoped) that when I reached it, I’d have made enough progress to feel markedly “different” in some way.
  • On the other hand, things ARE different. While it’s still hard every single day, I now feel like throwing up my food just isn’t an option anymore.
  • I still want to purge. A lot.
  • Most of the time, I feel better. My cheeks are less puffy, my eyes less swollen.
  • I had secretly hoped that maybe once I “evened out” my eating without the binges, I would magically shrink to waif-like status. Nope.
  • I hate admitting this, but I probably wouldn’t have gotten this far without my therapist and my self-imposed accountability to this blog.
  • I feel elated that I’ve made it this far and know that I’ll continue this journey.
  • I feel exhausted that I’m *only* this far and that there’s a whole undetermined expanse of time ahead of me.

Keeping up the good fight. Day 100.

Published by Quitter

I’m a college professor, wife, and mother of 2 small kids. I’m on a recovery journey 20 years in the making.

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