I make assumptions constantly–about myself and about others. I know that I’m not alone in this, but I recently realized that I always assume that everyone other than me is completely happy with the way they look at all times. I see a larger woman, and I think, Wow! Good for her. She really is owning her curves and is comfortable in her own body. And if I see a very thin woman, I assume she inherited good genes and didn’t have to work at all for her physique. I always assume that they wouldn’t change anything if they could–because, really, they could. I could change the way I look, but I still look almost exactly the same as I have for my entire adult life.

We recently had an outdoor gathering, and I noticed (I simply cannot help but notice) that one of my colleagues has gained a substantial amount of weight over quarantine, and she was wearing some trendy, high-waisted “Mom jeans” that really highlighted her newly enlarged gut. I know how awful this sounds. But, it’s what I was thinking.

My first thought was that she’s really owning this new look and that she must have made a conscious decision to gain weight and is happy and empowered at this size.

I have no idea whether that’s true.

I also know that I am not nearly as generous or compassionate with myself. I’m sure no one really thinks twice about my size–or, if they do–they probably assume it’s the size I’m happy with. Maybe someday that will be true.

Day 114.

Published by Quitter

I’m a college professor, wife, and mother of 2 small kids. I’m on a recovery journey 20 years in the making.

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