Day 392: Overload

I realize that another part of my “problem” currently is that I’m overloaded, both professionally and personally. At a certain point in my recovery journey, I listed a lot to the podcast “The Cure for Chronic Pain,” even though I do not have chronic pain. I have, however, come to believe that quite a lot of the little things–the knee that aches and the hip that locks up, the headaches.. are likely psychosomatic in nature and are physical manifestations of emotional states. I’ve spent a lot of decades explaining them away as overtraining or too much caffeine, but I know deep in my being that they’re psychosomatic. They most often appear when I’m trying to recover from my ED.

One of the things I’ve come to accept through that podcast is that we all have an emotional reserve–a well that gets poured into every day, with every stressor–big or small, and when the limit has been reached, it overflows and starts to manifest as physical pain (or makes us reach for a coping mechanism like an ED).

I feel my emotional reserve reaching its limit. I’m maxed out at work and don’t have time for the things that actually bring me joy and make me feel fulfilled. I’m stressed at home with a new puppy and all the many, many, many things that having small children in the springtime entails (so many project, sporting events, special trips and days at school, etc. etc.). I’m so exhausted by this issue with my former teacher and my current student and the whole array of emotions that the reminder of past abuse brings up.

I’m trying hard to pepper in time to breathe and do acts of self-care (like this blog).

Day 392.

Published by Quitter

I’m a college professor, wife, and mother of 2 small kids. I’m on a recovery journey 20 years in the making.

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