This journey has been long in the making. It’s hard to pinpoint exactly when it started, but I think it traces back to self-care. A few years ago, I was struggling with thyroid issues after my second pregnancy and birth of my daughter–a story in itself, in which I nearly died–and I was so depressed. I just couldn’t lose the weight, I was bone-tired, and I could barely find the motivation to get up from my desk after sitting down between classes.

At that time, as a Hail Mary, I decided to find a trainer. I’ve been with her ever since, and coupled with thyroid meds, I managed to get that excess weight off and get back to my “normal” size, and I am fitter than ever. Those tough trainer-led workouts are often the highlights of my week. Lifting heavy weights makes me feel strong and healthy, and I realize that I cannot go without these sessions, even though I occasionally (all the time) feel guilty about the expense (another blog later on ALL. THE. GUILT).

Then, just in the past few months, while we’ve been quarantined and struggling as a world to figure out “workingathome” (especially with two small kids), I’ve gotten back into reading fiction, which I love. It’s a little mental escape in the midst of sheer, utter, total, and complete chaos. In addition to one fiction book, I always am reading one piece of non-fiction as well. Usually, it’s something I want to learn about, like a historical era or something. But, over the last two months, I’ve started reading books about sobriety.

That’s right, sobriety. I don’t have any issue with alcohol. In fact, I rarely drink, simply because the calories seem so empty. But, the books about addiction have really resonated with me. They’ve made me more seriously consider this journey and have reinforced my coping methods. The book I really fell for was We Are the Luckiest by Laura McKowan. She feels very real to me, and I identify with a lot of her personality–her drive and perfectionism, her goal to appear fine.

So, one thing I absolutely needed on this journey were accounts. True stories from others that begin on one side of addiction and end on the other. Stay sober, friends, whatever that means to you. Day 11.

Published by Quitter

I’m a college professor, wife, and mother of 2 small kids. I’m on a recovery journey 20 years in the making.

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