In my last blog post, I wrote about how devastating it was to reread my old childhood journals. As I’ve reflected on that, I have also realized that every desire I expressed, every dream I wrote about… has come true. I wrote again and again that all I wanted in life was the have a happy home, a house in which love overflowed. I wanted to have a spouse with whom I never argued, a husband who didn’t routinely hurt me, a partner who expressed his love for me as I did for him. I wanted my children to be happy and secure, to never feel as lost, unloved, and abandoned as I did. I wanted my kids to wake up deliriously happy, to go to bed knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are so loved by their parents.
All my dreams have come true.
My husband is my best friend, and we have never raised our voices to each other. Our kids have never once heard us fight–we disagree, sure, but we discuss all sides and come to the best conclusion as a family. My kids have seen us hug, kiss, and be silly with each other. They hear so frequently that we love them that they’ve started to say, “Mom, we know! We know you love us big!” and roll their eyes when we say it again. We laugh together all the time, and I don’t even know if my kids know what the word “hate” means. They are happy, and healthy, and safe. They feel secure and loved. I feel secure and loved. Day 18.
I Quit: Giving up Bulimia 