Old

I’m almost 40. This has always seemed like the big divide to me–there’s something still young about your 30s, but 40 to me seems much older. Anyhow, I’ve been catching glances of myself here or there and thinking, “Wow. I definitely don’t look 20-something anymore.” There’s nothing to be done about it, and in a lot of ways, my body is in a much better place as I approach 40 than it was a decade ago.

I am healthier, strong, fitter, and more stable than when I was about to turn 30. But, I still don’t like the sound of 40.

At the same time, it’s been a little freeing. I realize that I’ve “arrived”–I’m happy with my career, my family, my beliefs, and who I am as a person. And, I realize that no one cares about my appearance–no one thinks about the body of a married, mother-of-two, 40-year-old woman. I mean, at least not as many people. So, that’s somehow freeing at the same time as being a little depressing.

And, I’m also looking forward to finally “doing it.” When I turn 40 in August, I plan to finally be bulimia-free, and at that point, it will be 8 months. (I know, I know. Don’t get ahead of yourself. But that’s my goal. So far, so good.) Day 37.