Revelation

I hate to admit it, but I still sometimes (most of the time) have this superiority complex in therapy where I think I already know everything my therapist is going to say, or that I’m somehow the smartest person in the room. That makes me sound awful, but it’s how I feel. I still think it’s healthy to go talk through things, but I’m not expecting to learn anything or have any gigantic revelations.

Well, I was humbled and proven wrong once again this week.

My therapist seems hellbent on talking about my relationship with my husband. It actually irks me a little–I feel protective of this relationship. It’s strong and healthy and loving, and I feel personally attacked when she suggests that it’s anything less than perfect. Anyhow, she and I have been going round about how if I feel hurt or frustrated with something he’s done, I tend to sit on those feelings and deal with them on my own. I’ll usually just wait it out until the feeling passes and it doesn’t really bother me anymore. If it’s something more major, I’ll wait until I can think about it rationally and then outline why I am justified in feeling how I feel. She suggests that this is not the healthiest way to communicate. (I know, I know. She’s right. Whatever.)

Anyhow, today she said: “You know he’s not your mom, right? When you told your mom about your feelings, she berated you and nothing ever changed. Your husband has always, 100% of the time, from what I can tell, validated your feelings and changed his behavior when you’ve actually brought something up.”

Yeah. I hadn’t really thought of that before. She’s right. Day 36.