Ordinary

I blend in pretty well–I’m a “normal” looking white woman who dresses stylishly (I mean, in my own humble opinion), but not remarkably. I may be more physically fit than the average 40-year-old mom of two, but basically, I’m not going to stop traffic or garner second glances out in public.

As I’m this far into recovery, I find myself wondering, Do I still actively have an eating disorder? Am I really still considered “bulimic”?

And, of course, I realize that I’m still in the initial phase, the honeymoon period, the pink cloud of my recovery. So, yes, I still HAVE an eating disorder. I’m still bulimic even though it’s been over 70 days since my last purge. But, still, in my darkest moments, that makes me feel… ordinary. Like I have no secrets, there’s nothing more to me than what’s out there in the open.

Day 73.