Maintenance

I was reading online about when an eating disorder is considered recovered. (Don’t worry, I understand that I’m nowhere near… just curious about it.) One site listed stages of recovery and suggested that the final step, “Maintenance,” is achieved when a person has been in active recovery and establishing new behaviors for six months or longer.

My first thought was, Oh my God, that’s a long time. That’s too long. I want to be considered recovered in, like, three months–100 days, let’s say. And then my next thought was, Wait. What? SIX MONTHS? I’ve had this disorder for 25 years… that’s 300 months. Six months is barely a drop in that proverbial bucket.

And then, THE thought: What if I never get over this?

I know that what I need to do is dial this thinking back. I need to face each day as it comes, and make progress each 24-hour chunk at a time. And when I can’t, then each hour, each minute, each breath. And then I need to string those moments together. So, six months? Sure, let’s do it. And then another six, and six more after that…

Day 77.