These are the days I hate, the days that scare me and shake my resolve. During the four or five days before my period each month, I just feel so puffy. My face feels chipmunk-esque. My stomach puffs out, inches come out of nowhere and adhere to my hips. I feel like my insides all just “let go” and stretch against the normal casing of my skin. I can see it in the mirror and feel it in my jeans. I am puffy, and I hate it.

My husband claims he can’t tell a difference. I don’t know how. I feel like I can’t even smile or talk properly with the extra chubbiness, like I might pop from all the straining in places.

I know that premenstrual bloating is “normal,” that I should exercise to feel better, avoid excess salt and drink more water. But all I want to do is lie in bed and wait for the misery to end a week from now. I feel lethargic and loafing.

These are the hardest days of each month —the days when it’s hard not to just succumb to the disordered thinking and behaviors.

Day 78.

Published by Quitter

I’m a college professor, wife, and mother of 2 small kids. I’m on a recovery journey 20 years in the making.

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