Fatigue

I have noticed for a long time that I am tired, SO TIRED, when I go to visit my parents. They live several states away, so I don’t see them very often on “their turf”–it’s hard to travel with small kids, and especially over the last pandemic year, we only made the trip once (a 15-hour one-way drive… I wrote about it in an earlier post. Anyhow!). I know that when I go back there, I immediately revert to the “old” me–this year was the first time ever that I didn’t engage in bulimia on a visit “home.” But, the bone weariness returns immediately, and I could sleep for hours, days.

I am usually a very energetic and go-get-’em type of person, so this lethargy is unusual for me. I have actively been trying to track my feelings lately, so when my mother came to visit this past weekend, I noticed the tiredness seeping into my bones even as I was driving home from the airport with her.

Where does this fatigue come from? I think it’s probably a combination of knowing that I’ll be anxious and emotionally frazzled, and that I’ll need to remain hyper-vigilant throughout her entire visit. I think it’s tiring not to know what I’ll get–what mood she will be in, how I’ll need to respond or smooth things over. She was only here 3 nights this time, and I am now in recovery mode, two pots of coffee in and a leaden heaviness in my eyelids and limbs.

Day 79.