My therapist suggested that I outline my top 5 grievances and approach my mom with them in an email. I balked. Honestly, I don’t know what my top 5 are. There’s not necessarily a list of specifics for me–it’s more general: The fact that she didn’t allow us to have feelings or to cry. The fact that she didn’t ask how we felt about my dad attempting suicide. The fact that she could only see HER life and not ours. The fact that she called a tiny child “selfish” and “greedy” for saying she was sad. The fact that she picked us up and moved states so she could “start over” and hide our family trauma. The fact that it is all, always, forever, all about her. The fact that she made a child choose sides. The fact that she STILL makes us choose sides. The fact that she shrank into anorexia when I was 9 and never discussed it. The fact that we never showed any kind of affection in our family. The fact that she tried to “buy” us with food. The fact that food was supposed to comfort us.

Day 94.

Published by Quitter

I’m a college professor, wife, and mother of 2 small kids. I’m on a recovery journey 20 years in the making.

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