Day 4.

This has been a fulfilling weekend, with lots of family time. But, we were stuck inside all day Saturday with a kiddo’s tournament, and all day today due to miserable icy weather. I indulged in some larger portions and higher-fat foods than I usually might, and I’m in my personal “hell week” — the week right before my period. So, it’s not surprising that I’m left at the end of this weekend feeling so heavy, sluggish, and, frankly, fat. (I hate using that word, but it’s how I feel.)

I’m feeling somewhat anxious because tomorrow is a totally overloaded work day for me. Most Mondays, I could finagle enough time to get a good workout in the morning, but not tomorrow. I’m booked all day until 8PM, and then I’m on my own with the kids’ bedtimes. So, it’s very unlikely that I’ll get a workout or even a walk in; I’m anticipating feeling dead on my feet after they’re asleep, and evening workouts are absolutely not my thing.

I know that what I personally need to do in this state is to move my body, but I can’t see that happening tomorrow. And, that’s making me feel a little anxious. The ED is saying, “No workout? Just don’t eat!” or, “If you are hungry, drink some green juice and call it good…” I know that’s the ED, but it’s hard to fully embrace intentional eating when I feel this way.

My therapist always harps about breaking down the all-or-nothing mentality, and I know that’s what I need to do. So, I’m going to see if I can maybe do some quick 2-5 minute sessions of squats, burpees, push-ups, planks, during my work day. I do need to do some important in-person things tomorrow (like teach lecture classes and present to a committee), so I can’t smell or look too grungy… but I’m going to see if maybe that can keep the anxiety and ED voice at bay. Wish me luck!

Published by Quitter

I’m a college professor, wife, and mother of 2 small kids. I’m on a recovery journey 20 years in the making.

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