Signs

I feel like the road signs in my life are pointing in so many contradictory directions. I don’t know which signs to trust, and I’m starting to feel lost.

I had blood work done at my most recent doctor appointment, and I am not happy with the results. Things are all over the map. Basically, my labs suggest that I’m exercising too much, or at least too hard. My doctor said she was concerned at how high my white blood cell count is, and that my red is elevated also. My creatine kinase is literally off the charts, suggesting muscle breakdown.

She suggested we redo the labs after a week without strenuous exercise.

I’m sorry. WHAT????

I can barely make myself take a weekend off of strenuous exercise.

My workouts are not new. I do weight training three times a week and then some kind of HIIT/cardio combo at least twice. I put in 50-60 minutes a day, which does not seem excessive. I mean, it’s literally one of the “healthy choices” you can circle on medical intake forms.

I didn’t have the courage to ask what that would mean for the future–am I not supposed to continue these workouts because of what they’re doing to my blood? I mean, I’m committed to working out, sure, but it’s not like I’m at elite-athlete status or anything.

The results did also make me sit back and take stock of how I’m feeling, which is… bad. I’m sore, and my muscles truly are tired. I would have taken today off, except that I had already booked a training session (that I was glad I went to after going, as is usually the case). This is the week before my period (STILL… longest week ever… it just never seems to end), and at least the blood work confirms that there is ACTUAL inflammation going on, given the very high WBC. I’ve long suspected an inflammatory component to my PMS, rather than mere water retention. I’m not really sure what to do with that information, but nonetheless, at least that tiny part isn’t in my head.

The problem is that my usual solutions seem contradictory now. When I feel bloated and sluggish, my natural response is to work it out physically. But what if that’s causing some of the inflammation rather than helping?

Sigh. I feel unsettled.

Day 50.