Mom V

My therapist recently asked whether my mom “deserves” to be in my life and have the relationships with my kids that she enjoys. I struggled to answer that.

My primary struggle was not in determining whether my mom in specific is “deserving,” but rather what it means in general if I start thinking along those lines.

If I start judging what my mom deserves, who’s to say what I deserve, or don’t? I certainly don’t deserve most of what I have; then again, I’ve worked very hard for what I’ve gotten in life. On some level, I understand that actions have consequences, and what my therapist really was asking was whether my mom’s past actions should have lasting consequences that impact the present.

I don’t know that answer.

What I do know is that she is a different grandmother than she was mother. I don’t know whether she is trying to make amends or pay reparations for past sins, but I do know that she loves my kids with every fiber of her being and has always been there when we’ve asked.

I know her relationship with my kids will change as they get older—I have already seen glimpses of those changes. But for now, I think I’m happy (or at least content enough) with the way things are.


Day 96.

Published by Quitter

I’m a college professor, wife, and mother of 2 small kids. I’m on a recovery journey 20 years in the making.

2 thoughts on “Mom V

  1. I’ve struggled with this too with my dad. I’m still navigating it but compassion for why he is the way he is and forgiveness for hurts he won’t even a knowledge (though sometimes I cannot grasp either of these) helps… sometimes. Sigh… I hear you.

    Liked by 1 person

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