My therapist recently asked whether my mom “deserves” to be in my life and have the relationships with my kids that she enjoys. I struggled to answer that.
My primary struggle was not in determining whether my mom in specific is “deserving,” but rather what it means in general if I start thinking along those lines.
If I start judging what my mom deserves, who’s to say what I deserve, or don’t? I certainly don’t deserve most of what I have; then again, I’ve worked very hard for what I’ve gotten in life. On some level, I understand that actions have consequences, and what my therapist really was asking was whether my mom’s past actions should have lasting consequences that impact the present.
I don’t know that answer.
What I do know is that she is a different grandmother than she was mother. I don’t know whether she is trying to make amends or pay reparations for past sins, but I do know that she loves my kids with every fiber of her being and has always been there when we’ve asked.
I know her relationship with my kids will change as they get older—I have already seen glimpses of those changes. But for now, I think I’m happy (or at least content enough) with the way things are.