My day counter reads like elementary coding. 0 days, 1 day, 0, 1, 0, 1, 0.
Today is Day 1. Actually, it hasn’t even been 24 hours since my last purge, but I’m going with it. Day 1. Back to the start.
I’ve decided that I truly need to go back to the start and do a hard reset on my recovery. I need to stop and step back and treat myself like a fragile addict on the brink of falling off the wagon. I need to remove the triggers (read: Halloween candy) and make time to breathe and respect the disorder enough to realize that it’s stronger than I am a lot of the time.
And so, I am starting over, back where I started on my last Day 1. I told my husband (again, via email), but it felt slightly less scary this time. I took time to take a bath last night. I meditated (only 3 minutes, but baby steps) today. I told myself that I’m trying and I’m doing the best that I can. I worked out hard even though I really should’ve been doing something else for work during that hour. I’m trying.