Different

I really only look at my recovery day counter these days when I’m writing these posts, but I accidentally clicked on it the other day when it was at 40. I realized how different this time around feels. Last time, 40 days felt like SUCH a long time; I wrote a blog post on how in biblical times, 40 days simply denoted “a long time”. This time around, 40 days feels like it happened in a flash.

We also recently celebrated commencement on campus. This is a high-stress day for me, with lots of professional obligations in front of colleagues and peers. It’s also a long day, and I’m usually on campus by 6am and don’t leave until after dinner. This year, as I was tossing my regalia into my office, I thought of how different this year was from others. My office is in a rather secluded hall in a building not used on commencement day; I have memories of years past (sadly, many years) when I’ve tossed my doctoral gown on the bathroom counter and purged my lunch or dinner. This year, that memory flitted in, and I found it hard to believe. That seems so far in the past.

I’m reminded that recovery isn’t linear. Sometimes we feel the progress more than other times. I’ll keep on trucking…

Day 41.