Pieces

For the past while, I’ve been seeing my therapist only once a month. This feels both good and bad. I’m “OK” while meeting monthly, though there are often times between meetings when I feel like I could really use a quicker session. But, it’s also forced me to sit with all the feelings and situations and really make my own best judgments about how to react and respond, which I think has forced me to do “the work” bit by bit.

As I’m preparing to see my therapist in another half hour, I’m thinking of all the MANY things that have happened in the 5 weeks since I’ve last seen her. Most of the things I wanted to talk about have been resolved in some way and don’t seem as pressing. Most issues I’ve “taken care of” on my own in ways that I’m somewhat proud of.

I think of how I prioritized my health and well-being in the jury selection situation, how I recognized the over-training and corrected, how I modified my behavior when I noticed all the counting of exercise and calories. I remember that I sat with the discomfort in my body with bloating and the negative self-image and self-talk I’ve struggled with over the summer. I recommitted to intuitive eating (most of the time, when I can).

This work has been coming slowly in bits and pieces, but when I sit back and look at the whole, I see that there’s more of the puzzle finished than I realized. I’ve been doing the work incrementally, which is really the only way to do it. And throughout, the ED hasn’t even been an option. I guess I’ll keep on.

Day 92.