therapy – I Quit: Giving up Bulimia

Godsend

I am 175 days into recovery *this* time. This morning, as I was getting ready for work, I started crying tears of gratitude and happiness. Just completely out of nowhere. If I had not been alone, I’m sure it would’ve scared whomever was around. I was thinking about how insanely blessed I am and howContinue reading “Godsend”

Pieces

For the past while, I’ve been seeing my therapist only once a month. This feels both good and bad. I’m “OK” while meeting monthly, though there are often times between meetings when I feel like I could really use a quicker session. But, it’s also forced me to sit with all the feelings and situationsContinue reading “Pieces”

Investments

I’ve been thinking of the things I invest in, and how it’s possible that I haven’t invested seriously in recovery lately. I used to feel guilty over spending money–not just because it’s my husband who makes the vast majority of our money, but also because I was raised without having money. We didn’t have muchContinue reading “Investments”

Graduation

Today, my therapist and I decided that I’ve graduated, more or less. I’m going to see her in a month and we’ll decide whether the monthly check-ins will work, whether I need more frequent sessions, or whether we’re ready for a break. She said, “You are an entirely different person than you were when weContinue reading “Graduation”

Realization

About 6 months ago, I went to my GP with a complaint of shoulder pain. It’s something with which I’ve struggled every month right before my period, and it got to the point of being unbearable. This is an issue that began when I was pregnant with my first child 7 years ago, and itContinue reading “Realization”

Hip Flexors

My hip flexors are always terribly tight. I know it sounds ridiculous, but in my speciality, I end up using (and misusing) them all the time, which means that sometimes I’m creating patterns with my feet for 8 hours a day, at the expense of my hip flexors (mysterious, I know…). So, coupled with prettyContinue reading “Hip Flexors”

150

Here’s to 150 days since my last purge! 5 months of recovery down, and a lifetime to go. I’m feeling good these days, and while eating is still a struggle on some days, I can pretty certainly say that purging does not feel like an option anymore. I’ve worked through some pretty major issues withContinue reading “150”

1998

I promised my therapist that I would go through my old journals to find out exactly when I mentioned “bulimia” for the first time. I don’t really remember my first encounters with this disorder. There have been SO. MANY. I used to be a fanatic journaler. I would write pages upon pages nearly every day.Continue reading “1998”

OK, Fine.

“OK, fine.” That’s what I said to my therapist as I begrudgingly agreed that she might be right about my preferred mode of communication with my husband (and all other living, breathing things). I don’t deal well in moments of intense emotion–I typically freeze and just shut down. That makes speaking difficult. I have learnedContinue reading “OK, Fine.”

Revelation

I hate to admit it, but I still sometimes (most of the time) have this superiority complex in therapy where I think I already know everything my therapist is going to say, or that I’m somehow the smartest person in the room. That makes me sound awful, but it’s how I feel. I still thinkContinue reading “Revelation”