bulimia recovery – Page 11 – I Quit: Giving up Bulimia

Fret

I fret by nature—I can just immediately see things through to their final, horrible completions, and then I impotently await the awful outcomes. I can see accidents waiting the happen, injuries just waiting to occur. Miraculously, I’m not a hovering sort of mother—I don’t impede my kids’ childhood fun by telling them all the wayContinue reading “Fret”

And just like that…

Wow, tonight hit me like a truck. I’m sitting here with a stomach too-full of food and a chest too-full of anxiety. I was so close. SO. CLOSE. I actually prepared food to eat that I knew I would purge. I took a bite (more like 15) and then thought, What are you doing??! YouContinue reading “And just like that…”

Humbled

Ok, so after I wrote that self-righteous post yesterday about “writing my future,” I was hit with a doozy of a day. I actually thought, No one will ever know. You can have one last purge and you’ll feel soooo much better. And then you can go back to recovery without ever telling anyone, andContinue reading “Humbled”

Future

I have started scheduling out these post by a few days; that way, I’m always a couple days ahead when my week starts crashing around me. And, I don’t feel any kind of anxiety that I need to get to posting each day. I mean, I realize I don’t need to post each day… it’sContinue reading “Future”

Dread

Sometimes, when I think of what it would take to unravel my life, I get this immediate and heavy boulder in my gut. I can see my husband spinning out and crashing on black ice—and then what? What do I do with the monthly mortgage that is 20% of my annual salary? What do IContinue reading “Dread”

50

50 days is a long time. They say it takes approximately one month (something like 27 or 28 days) for something to become a habit… so, not engaging in bulimia should be a habit for me by now, I guess, if we’re going by this rubric. But, I think eating disorders are probably their ownContinue reading “50”

Sick

I am so incredibly grateful to have received both doses of the Covid-19 vaccination. But let me tell you, that booster is no joke. I was prepared to feel like crap the day after, and this is honestly worse than I expected. I woke up in the middle of the night with chills and theContinue reading “Sick”

Being Kind

I tell my children all the time to be kind to each other and to their schoolmates. I see these memes and posts and even graffiti in town eschewing us to “BE KIND”! I believe that I am generally a kind person, but it is often hard to be kind to myself. I recently readContinue reading “Being Kind”

Skincare

I have never had a great skincare routine. Due to my genetic makeup, I tan beautifully and easily, and I hold those tans for long months. It’s hard not to worship the sun. But, as we established in my recent post (“Old”), I’m not getting any younger. The tiny sunspots have bled into larger sunspots,Continue reading “Skincare”

Peace

I am writing this feeling blissfully peaceful, just having come out of a nice steamy bath, in which I finished reading a pretty good novel. I have tried to find and recognize these little slivers of peace as they pop up in my life each day. I am not great at slowing down, so oftenContinue reading “Peace”