I’m almost 40. This has always seemed like the big divide to me–there’s something still young about your 30s, but 40 to me seems much older. Anyhow, I’ve been catching glances of myself here or there and thinking, “Wow. I definitely don’t look 20-something anymore.” There’s nothing to be done about it, and in aContinue reading “Old”
Tag Archives: bulimia recovery
Revelation
I hate to admit it, but I still sometimes (most of the time) have this superiority complex in therapy where I think I already know everything my therapist is going to say, or that I’m somehow the smartest person in the room. That makes me sound awful, but it’s how I feel. I still thinkContinue reading “Revelation”
Breaks
This week, I’ve taken more breaks than usual. I’ve been sick–a nasty cold, so I’m grateful it isn’t anything more serious, but it still threw me for a loop. I am usually very committed to my workout and training schedule, but on Tuesday I woke up feeling so awful and realized that I just couldn’tContinue reading “Breaks”
Breathe
For a long time, I felt like I just didn’t have space to breathe. When my kids were younger (they’re 3 and 6 now), I felt like I just never had a moment to sit and breathe, to exhale and let everything go. I always had to be on guard. I (felt like I) couldn’tContinue reading “Breathe”
Judgment
I am a pretty judgmental person. I do not discriminate in my judging–I judge everyone freely, harshly. I do it without thinking, without wanting to. I do it without waiting for my own permission. I hate it. I learned how to judge others from my mother, who was swift and cutting. She watched me constantlyContinue reading “Judgment”
Lunch
Part of my disordered eating has always centered around lunch. It’s a weird meal, isn’t it? Throughout schooling, it’s the main social event of each day–where kids get to compare, trade, and eventually make choices about what to eat in the cafeteria. Then, it’s a strange siesta in the middle of the work day, whereContinue reading “Lunch”
Self-care
Everyone is always going on about self-care. We understand that it is important to take breaks, to rest, to do something nice for our mental health. I sometimes find that “traditional” self-care measures make me feel guilty. When I settle in for an hour-long massage, my mind mentally begins a countdown. While I’m not incapacitatedContinue reading “Self-care”
Anniversary
One month! Phew, it’s been a long one. I’m very grateful to have hit 30 days on this journey, but it has been hard won. There are peaks and valleys to every day, week, year, month. I have had plenty of highs and plenty of lows, but I am grateful to have hit the oneContinue reading “Anniversary”
Meditation I
I started meditating awhile back, and it’s a habit that is really growing on me. I wish that I could say I do it religiously every day, but I do not. I realize that I am calmer, happier, and less frustrated when I make time to meditate. I also realize that I have a love-hateContinue reading “Meditation I”
Done
One thing my therapist said that has stuck with me is that I can just “be done” eating for the day at literally whatever point I choose. Since my husband works long days far from home, he and I usually eat dinner together after the kids are in bed, around 8:30 or later. This worksContinue reading “Done”
I Quit: Giving up Bulimia 