estrangement

Pity

I had a good therapy session this week, in the way that typically happens: I went in with a list of things I thought I wanted to talk about, but actually ended up talking about something else for the whole hour. We’ve started meeting only once a month, which feels OK, but I’m thinking ofContinue reading “Pity”

Memories

I know that my memories are unreliable. I have an excellent and terrible memory at the same time. I have barely any recollection of my childhood, high school, college years. I can’t remember the conversations and events, the meals and celebrations. At a recent conference, a college friend came up and tried to engage withContinue reading “Memories”

I am watching this terrible show on HBO. Or, I should say, I think it is terrible–it is campy and overly dramatic. The dialogue is lacking, and the plot spirals back upon itself in a way that is annoying. And yet, I keep watching it, because I have run out of truly good shows toContinue reading “Estrangement”

Family

My parents came to visit for the Thanksgiving holiday. This is different from most previous years, where we traveled with the kids and tried to see everyone on both sides of the family in four days. That was exhausting and stressful, but it was also fun to catch up and see everyone for the holiday.Continue reading “Family”

Dates

Some dates just seem to leap off the page–happy dates and sad dates. We have collective dates like this–September 11, for example. Yesterday was one of those dates for me–my estranged brother’s birthday. I couldn’t stop my thoughts from flitting to him throughout the day. I didn’t necessarily have any associated feelings–I didn’t feel angerContinue reading “Dates”

Estrangement II

As I was recently wrestling with feelings surrounding my brother’s estrangement from me, I realized that estrangement has permeated our family for as long as I can remember. After my paternal grandmother’s death more than a decade ago, my paternal grandfather went off the rails and refused to talk to anyone in our family. HeContinue reading “Estrangement II”

Estrangement

My brother and I are estranged from one another. This is a difficult thing to type, since I have been in denial of this fact for a long time. I have spent years thinking that he would come around someday and we would at least be in touch again. But, the last time I sawContinue reading “Estrangement”