Quitter

Trigger

I don’t necessarily have set-in-stone food triggers for bulimia. Some days I can eat pizza and desserts without feeling a twinge of guilt, and other days I can eat healthily all day and still feel like I would really feel better after a good purge. I realize that’s because my triggers are emotional–when I’m feelingContinue reading “Trigger”

Sick

I am so incredibly grateful to have received both doses of the Covid-19 vaccination. But let me tell you, that booster is no joke. I was prepared to feel like crap the day after, and this is honestly worse than I expected. I woke up in the middle of the night with chills and theContinue reading “Sick”

Being Kind

I tell my children all the time to be kind to each other and to their schoolmates. I see these memes and posts and even graffiti in town eschewing us to “BE KIND”! I believe that I am generally a kind person, but it is often hard to be kind to myself. I recently readContinue reading “Being Kind”

Skincare

I have never had a great skincare routine. Due to my genetic makeup, I tan beautifully and easily, and I hold those tans for long months. It’s hard not to worship the sun. But, as we established in my recent post (“Old”), I’m not getting any younger. The tiny sunspots have bled into larger sunspots,Continue reading “Skincare”

Peace

I am writing this feeling blissfully peaceful, just having come out of a nice steamy bath, in which I finished reading a pretty good novel. I have tried to find and recognize these little slivers of peace as they pop up in my life each day. I am not great at slowing down, so oftenContinue reading “Peace”

Traumas

I have been reading some books about trauma that I don’t entirely agree with, but that scare me nonetheless. I’m waiting on The Body Keeps Score through a library hold, and I’m anxious to see what that book holds. In the meantime, I’ve been reading some books by Dr. Peter Levine–the one who does allContinue reading “Traumas”

Roller coaster

It’s amazing to me how things can feel so, so high on some days and so, so low on others. Sometimes, I leap awake in the morning feeling so strong and healthy and ready to take on the day. Others, I wake up feeling heavy, bloated, like my legs are lead. Today is one ofContinue reading “Roller coaster”

40 days and 40 nights

I’m religious person, I guess. I grew up in the church, and it’s been a part of my life since birth. As a musician, I have always been employed by one church or another since I was maybe 10 years old. So, the importance of 40 days is not lost on me. In the Bible,Continue reading “40 days and 40 nights”

Victory

I am willing to fight anyone who claims that Malnati’s deep dish pizza is superior to Giordano’s. Having spent a large chunk of my life living in the Chicago area, I have really tasted them all. Malnati’s has a sweeter, butterier crust, but Giordano’s has a tanginess and weightiness that I just love. The oneContinue reading “Victory”

For me.

I have managed to not engage in bulimia for long periods at different points my life. For awhile when I first met my husband, I wanted to be “better” for him. Better in terms of recovery, and just a better person–one who didn’t regularly shove her fingers down her throat. Then, when I was pregnantContinue reading “For me.”