Uncategorized – Page 11 – I Quit: Giving up Bulimia

Control

One of the things I’ve been reflecting on in the aftermath (maybe aftermath? maybe it’s ongoing?) of this little depressive state is the issue of control. I know that for so long, bulimia was a last-ditch effort to establish some kind of control amidst chaos and things I couldn’t change. I still struggle with that.Continue reading “Control”

Better

Sometimes, I just sit in awe of all that I have and how very, very blessed I am in this life. I have a hard time sitting in gratitude and contentment, but sometimes I am startled by the beauty in my life. A few days ago, my kids watched one of their favorite episodes ofContinue reading “Better”

Fog

I think my fog is starting to lift. I really haven’t been in this kind of funk for a long while. I wasn’t full-on depressed, really. I mean, I had no other option than to get out of bed, fake my usual cheeriness for my students, and get all my shit done. So, I wasContinue reading “Fog”

The Professor II

I have put off writing this, because there’s so much to say, but so few words that fit. So much of what happened in graduate school is hazy, gray. There were the big, technicolored days that stand out—like the day he said he’d fuck me if he were unmarried. But most days were gray—intimations ofContinue reading “The Professor II”

Overwhelmed

I’m overwhelmed at the moment. Work is at a fever pitch, and I have a 3-year-old miserably ill with RSV (out of school all week). My son was sent home from school crying about a tooth ache, so now we need to get him into the dentist ASAP. Our house just went on the market,Continue reading “Overwhelmed”

Depression

I don’t know whether I’d label this “depression,” but I’ve definitely been in a low mood for the past few days. I saw my therapist yesterday, and I actually did feel better after that. But, as I told her, nothing has been really making me happy lately. I don’t feel motivated to work out orContinue reading “Depression”

Frustration

I’m frustrated. About nearly everything. I’m frustrated that I put 110% into everything I do (my choice, I know), and others can get away with (seemingly) not caring. I’m frustrated that I’m known as the person who is always on top of things, who always has the answers and solves the problems. I’m frustrated thatContinue reading “Frustration”

Discouragement

I have been feeling so discouraged lately. Maybe I’d go so far as to say “depressed.” I can’t figure out exactly why, but it’s probably a combination of things. I am over this semester, and so are all my students. The end cannot come quickly enough. The past year has taken an immense emotional tollContinue reading “Discouragement”

Resentment

I read a thing recently that said in order to function at our best, we really need to list all the resentments we have and own them so that we can eventually release them. I have been ruminating on this, and I’ve realized that I have a lot of resentment. Toward a lot of peopleContinue reading “Resentment”

The Professor

My therapist insists on calling a certain character from my past “The Professor,” which I find grating and trite, but I can understand the appeal of such a succinct label. He was, not surprisingly, a professor of mine. He was my mentor during graduate school, and I was his… I don’t know. Technically, I wasContinue reading “The Professor”