bulimia recovery – Page 5 – I Quit: Giving up Bulimia

Depression

I don’t know whether I’d label this “depression,” but I’ve definitely been in a low mood for the past few days. I saw my therapist yesterday, and I actually did feel better after that. But, as I told her, nothing has been really making me happy lately. I don’t feel motivated to work out orContinue reading “Depression”

Frustration

I’m frustrated. About nearly everything. I’m frustrated that I put 110% into everything I do (my choice, I know), and others can get away with (seemingly) not caring. I’m frustrated that I’m known as the person who is always on top of things, who always has the answers and solves the problems. I’m frustrated thatContinue reading “Frustration”

Discouragement

I have been feeling so discouraged lately. Maybe I’d go so far as to say “depressed.” I can’t figure out exactly why, but it’s probably a combination of things. I am over this semester, and so are all my students. The end cannot come quickly enough. The past year has taken an immense emotional tollContinue reading “Discouragement”

Resentment

I read a thing recently that said in order to function at our best, we really need to list all the resentments we have and own them so that we can eventually release them. I have been ruminating on this, and I’ve realized that I have a lot of resentment. Toward a lot of peopleContinue reading “Resentment”

The Professor

My therapist insists on calling a certain character from my past “The Professor,” which I find grating and trite, but I can understand the appeal of such a succinct label. He was, not surprisingly, a professor of mine. He was my mentor during graduate school, and I was his… I don’t know. Technically, I wasContinue reading “The Professor”

Rage II

It must be exhausting to be a therapist and not be able to just call out what you see when you see it. There’s no way I’d have the patience to wait on people to figure things out on their own. So, I’ve realized that I’m not actually angry at the day-to-day stuff that goesContinue reading “Rage II”

Rage

I’ve been reading a little of Dr. Sarno’s book The Mind Body Prescription, and I have a lot of thoughts about it: I do believe there’s a correlation between trauma/rage and pain/illness. I don’t know what to do with that belief or what to do next. It makes me feel more “hippie-dippy” than I careContinue reading “Rage”

Assumptions

I make assumptions constantly–about myself and about others. I know that I’m not alone in this, but I recently realized that I always assume that everyone other than me is completely happy with the way they look at all times. I see a larger woman, and I think, Wow! Good for her. She really isContinue reading “Assumptions”

Admissions

I don’t know what my lowest of low moments was. There were a lot of lows in my 25 years with bulimia, not surprisingly. As I’ve gained some distance from active purging, I can more objectively see how sad and desperate those moments were—the spiraling hysteria of bingeing and purging. Was my lowest point vomitingContinue reading “Admissions”

The Best

As a planner and perfectionist, I tend to look forward to the future. I plan for things and anticipate and actively change the things I can to better the days to come. As I approach 40 this summer, I’ve been reflecting on life and how I live it. I’m realizing that THIS present moment mayContinue reading “The Best”