recovery – Page 5 – I Quit: Giving up Bulimia

Day 2.

My anxiety has been running high lately, and I finally had a session (after, frustratingly, several re-schedulings) with my therapist. She urged me to think of why I feel these waves of panic, and I think I’ve finally come to some truths. I think that I am scared, which is not comfortable for me. InContinue reading “Day 2.”

Day 1

I don’t know how many of these “Day 1″s it is going to finally take. I was so certain that it would really, truly be my last “do over” when I started this journey little over a year ago. Then, I relapsed after 298 days in recovery. And, now I’ve relapsed again. So, here weContinue reading “Day 1”

Bender

When I first started seeing my therapist, she suggested it was a matter of when, not if I would relapse. It made me really mad. I thought, “Someday will be THE day, right? Someday I’ll have started recovery and will never look back and never even have to worry about relapsing.” And, I was sureContinue reading “Bender”

Relapse

(Triggers abound.) I thought I’d really made it this time. I honestly thought to myself, “Ha! Well, it really wasn’t so hard, was it? All I had to do was quit. And now, I’m recovered!” I mean, it took awhile to get to that point, but after three, six, nine months, I really felt likeContinue reading “Relapse”

Admissions

I don’t know what my lowest of low moments was. There were a lot of lows in my 25 years with bulimia, not surprisingly. As I’ve gained some distance from active purging, I can more objectively see how sad and desperate those moments were—the spiraling hysteria of bingeing and purging. Was my lowest point vomitingContinue reading “Admissions”

It’s Hard.

Sometimes, this journey is just plain hard. Sometimes, everything happens all at once. I’m feeling that today. My school has just started back up, and over the weekend, my son had an infected tooth pop up, which needs to be extracted. My daughter has been back to daycare for FOUR days, after 9 weeks off,Continue reading “It’s Hard.”

Island

I pride myself on being fiercely independent, and most of the time, that’s a good thing. Every book and every therapist out there will insist that recovery cannot take place without a support system–a network of caring friends and family to hold your hand. I don’t entirely buy that. I’ve battled this personal demon forContinue reading “Island”