Quitter

Rage II

It must be exhausting to be a therapist and not be able to just call out what you see when you see it. There’s no way I’d have the patience to wait on people to figure things out on their own. So, I’ve realized that I’m not actually angry at the day-to-day stuff that goesContinue reading “Rage II”

Rage

I’ve been reading a little of Dr. Sarno’s book The Mind Body Prescription, and I have a lot of thoughts about it: I do believe there’s a correlation between trauma/rage and pain/illness. I don’t know what to do with that belief or what to do next. It makes me feel more “hippie-dippy” than I careContinue reading “Rage”

Assumptions

I make assumptions constantly–about myself and about others. I know that I’m not alone in this, but I recently realized that I always assume that everyone other than me is completely happy with the way they look at all times. I see a larger woman, and I think, Wow! Good for her. She really isContinue reading “Assumptions”

Monday

Fucking Mondays, man. Monday is the day I weekly set myself up for failure. I know it’s a trope—so unoriginal. But every weekend, I let loose a little. A big part of my recovery was/is allowing myself the weekends—every weekend, both days, off from working out (unless I’m in a really healthy place and trulyContinue reading “Monday”

Admissions

I don’t know what my lowest of low moments was. There were a lot of lows in my 25 years with bulimia, not surprisingly. As I’ve gained some distance from active purging, I can more objectively see how sad and desperate those moments were—the spiraling hysteria of bingeing and purging. Was my lowest point vomitingContinue reading “Admissions”

The Best

As a planner and perfectionist, I tend to look forward to the future. I plan for things and anticipate and actively change the things I can to better the days to come. As I approach 40 this summer, I’ve been reflecting on life and how I live it. I’m realizing that THIS present moment mayContinue reading “The Best”

Mom IX

I learned long ago to only talk to my mom on my own terms. I never answer when she calls; I find a time when I genuinely want to talk to her and cultivate my most generous attitude. I physically smile before I make the call, and then I dive in. But, I realized theContinue reading “Mom IX”

Progress

I realize my progress in tiny moments which are really pretty big, for me. Saturday night, we hosted about 20 of my colleagues for an outdoor, distanced backyard get-together around one of our fire pits. We had a huge spread of cheese and crackers (my ultimate weakness) and made s’mores around the fire (chocolate–my otherContinue reading “Progress”

Noticing

There are a lot of things I’ve learned or read recently that resonate with me, or that I do believe, but I don’t know what to do with. The idea of trauma manifesting in physical pain, for instance. Or, my true desire to be less of a perfectionist or less judgmental. These beliefs and desiresContinue reading “Noticing”

Pain

I’ve been listening to a podcast called “The Cure for Chronic Pain,” even though I do not suffer from chronic pain. But, it was recommended on another podcast I enjoy, so I gave it a listen. I have become increasingly interested in the concept of trauma manifesting as physical pain. When I was pregnant withContinue reading “Pain”