I started meditating awhile back, and it’s a habit that is really growing on me. I wish that I could say I do it religiously every day, but I do not. I realize that I am calmer, happier, and less frustrated when I make time to meditate. I also realize that I have a love-hateContinue reading “Meditation I”
Category Archives: Uncategorized
Done
One thing my therapist said that has stuck with me is that I can just “be done” eating for the day at literally whatever point I choose. Since my husband works long days far from home, he and I usually eat dinner together after the kids are in bed, around 8:30 or later. This worksContinue reading “Done”
Tired
I’m tired. My job is tiring, though I love it. It is made more tiring by the masks, the distance, the many students on Zoom instead of in the classroom. I’m tired of answering emails and questions and calming others’ anxieties. I’m tired of parenting my two tiny people, who are amazing, but tiny, andContinue reading “Tired”
It’s Hard.
Sometimes, this journey is just plain hard. Sometimes, everything happens all at once. I’m feeling that today. My school has just started back up, and over the weekend, my son had an infected tooth pop up, which needs to be extracted. My daughter has been back to daycare for FOUR days, after 9 weeks off,Continue reading “It’s Hard.”
Estrangement
My brother and I are estranged from one another. This is a difficult thing to type, since I have been in denial of this fact for a long time. I have spent years thinking that he would come around someday and we would at least be in touch again. But, the last time I sawContinue reading “Estrangement”
Anger
In therapy the other day, my therapist said that anger is a secondary emotion, and she urged me to figure out what primary emotion was behind anger for me. This has really stumped me. Most of the time, I think I feel hurt or taken advantage of when I’m feeling angry. Sometimes it’s when IContinue reading “Anger”
Abuse
The other week, my therapist used the word “abuse” when referencing events in my childhood. I myself have used, though not necessarily embraced, the word in my own descriptions. Somehow, having a trained professional identify “abuse” was worse. When I think of abuse, I think of something active, something malicious and pernicious. When I thinkContinue reading “Abuse”
Things I Know
I’ve learned a lot of things throughout my life. Some I learned in my nearly three decades of attending school; some I have learned in my decade of teaching. Others, I learned in the twenty years of practicing and “perfecting” bulimia. These are things I wish I did not know. I wish I didn’t knowContinue reading “Things I Know”
Trauma
I often find myself trying to quantify trauma. I think, Well, as a child I survived my dad attempting suicide. And, more than once! So, what’s the big deal if I’m feeling a tiny bit sad or hurt or angry? I’ll survive this, too. And, I always do, of course. But, when I recently toldContinue reading “Trauma”
Blindsided
It hits me like a Mac truck–all of a sudden out of nowhere, I’m planning a binge. My head makes these wild jumps, these irrational connections. Well, I had Cheez-Its, which is all there was in the car, for the kids… but I was starving, so I had them. Not a great choice… I’ll justContinue reading “Blindsided”
I Quit: Giving up Bulimia 