Sometimes, this journey is just plain hard. Sometimes, everything happens all at once. I’m feeling that today. My school has just started back up, and over the weekend, my son had an infected tooth pop up, which needs to be extracted. My daughter has been back to daycare for FOUR days, after 9 weeks off,Continue reading “It’s Hard.”
Category Archives: Uncategorized
Estrangement
My brother and I are estranged from one another. This is a difficult thing to type, since I have been in denial of this fact for a long time. I have spent years thinking that he would come around someday and we would at least be in touch again. But, the last time I sawContinue reading “Estrangement”
Anger
In therapy the other day, my therapist said that anger is a secondary emotion, and she urged me to figure out what primary emotion was behind anger for me. This has really stumped me. Most of the time, I think I feel hurt or taken advantage of when I’m feeling angry. Sometimes it’s when IContinue reading “Anger”
Abuse
The other week, my therapist used the word “abuse” when referencing events in my childhood. I myself have used, though not necessarily embraced, the word in my own descriptions. Somehow, having a trained professional identify “abuse” was worse. When I think of abuse, I think of something active, something malicious and pernicious. When I thinkContinue reading “Abuse”
Things I Know
I’ve learned a lot of things throughout my life. Some I learned in my nearly three decades of attending school; some I have learned in my decade of teaching. Others, I learned in the twenty years of practicing and “perfecting” bulimia. These are things I wish I did not know. I wish I didn’t knowContinue reading “Things I Know”
Trauma
I often find myself trying to quantify trauma. I think, Well, as a child I survived my dad attempting suicide. And, more than once! So, what’s the big deal if I’m feeling a tiny bit sad or hurt or angry? I’ll survive this, too. And, I always do, of course. But, when I recently toldContinue reading “Trauma”
Blindsided
It hits me like a Mac truck–all of a sudden out of nowhere, I’m planning a binge. My head makes these wild jumps, these irrational connections. Well, I had Cheez-Its, which is all there was in the car, for the kids… but I was starving, so I had them. Not a great choice… I’ll justContinue reading “Blindsided”
No One Cares
No, this is not a pity-party post about how no one cares about me. It’s actually a pretty liberating thought: no one cares! That is to say, I’m a very happily married almost-40-year-old mother of 2 small children. NO ONE CARES what I look like. My kids don’t care, and my husband certainly doesn’t careContinue reading “No One Cares”
New Healing
In my last blog post, I wrote about how devastating it was to reread my old childhood journals. As I’ve reflected on that, I have also realized that every desire I expressed, every dream I wrote about… has come true. I wrote again and again that all I wanted in life was the have aContinue reading “New Healing”
Old Wounds
I recently went up to my attic and lugged down a dusty old box that held my old journals. I cracked open the yellowed packing tape and opened one with a Precious Moments cover, dated 1995-1996. I have only faint recollections of anything that happened in the 90s, or really anything much of my childhood.Continue reading “Old Wounds”
I Quit: Giving up Bulimia 