I have been reading some books about trauma that I don’t entirely agree with, but that scare me nonetheless. I’m waiting on The Body Keeps Score through a library hold, and I’m anxious to see what that book holds. In the meantime, I’ve been reading some books by Dr. Peter Levine–the one who does allContinue reading “Traumas”
Tag Archives: bulimia recovery
Roller coaster
It’s amazing to me how things can feel so, so high on some days and so, so low on others. Sometimes, I leap awake in the morning feeling so strong and healthy and ready to take on the day. Others, I wake up feeling heavy, bloated, like my legs are lead. Today is one ofContinue reading “Roller coaster”
40 days and 40 nights
I’m religious person, I guess. I grew up in the church, and it’s been a part of my life since birth. As a musician, I have always been employed by one church or another since I was maybe 10 years old. So, the importance of 40 days is not lost on me. In the Bible,Continue reading “40 days and 40 nights”
Victory
I am willing to fight anyone who claims that Malnati’s deep dish pizza is superior to Giordano’s. Having spent a large chunk of my life living in the Chicago area, I have really tasted them all. Malnati’s has a sweeter, butterier crust, but Giordano’s has a tanginess and weightiness that I just love. The oneContinue reading “Victory”
For me.
I have managed to not engage in bulimia for long periods at different points my life. For awhile when I first met my husband, I wanted to be “better” for him. Better in terms of recovery, and just a better person–one who didn’t regularly shove her fingers down her throat. Then, when I was pregnantContinue reading “For me.”
Old
I’m almost 40. This has always seemed like the big divide to me–there’s something still young about your 30s, but 40 to me seems much older. Anyhow, I’ve been catching glances of myself here or there and thinking, “Wow. I definitely don’t look 20-something anymore.” There’s nothing to be done about it, and in aContinue reading “Old”
Revelation
I hate to admit it, but I still sometimes (most of the time) have this superiority complex in therapy where I think I already know everything my therapist is going to say, or that I’m somehow the smartest person in the room. That makes me sound awful, but it’s how I feel. I still thinkContinue reading “Revelation”
Breaks
This week, I’ve taken more breaks than usual. I’ve been sick–a nasty cold, so I’m grateful it isn’t anything more serious, but it still threw me for a loop. I am usually very committed to my workout and training schedule, but on Tuesday I woke up feeling so awful and realized that I just couldn’tContinue reading “Breaks”
Breathe
For a long time, I felt like I just didn’t have space to breathe. When my kids were younger (they’re 3 and 6 now), I felt like I just never had a moment to sit and breathe, to exhale and let everything go. I always had to be on guard. I (felt like I) couldn’tContinue reading “Breathe”
Judgment
I am a pretty judgmental person. I do not discriminate in my judging–I judge everyone freely, harshly. I do it without thinking, without wanting to. I do it without waiting for my own permission. I hate it. I learned how to judge others from my mother, who was swift and cutting. She watched me constantlyContinue reading “Judgment”
I Quit: Giving up Bulimia 