Uncategorized – Page 4 – I Quit: Giving up Bulimia

Investments

I’ve been thinking of the things I invest in, and how it’s possible that I haven’t invested seriously in recovery lately. I used to feel guilty over spending money–not just because it’s my husband who makes the vast majority of our money, but also because I was raised without having money. We didn’t have muchContinue reading “Investments”

Time

I have had more time this semester than usual. I typically have an overload every semester, but due to the college crisis of students not enrolling wit the pandemic/gap years/who knows what, and due to my largest-ever class of graduates last spring, I am slightly under load. (Now, I teach at a small liberal artsContinue reading “Time”

The Work

I am accustomed to challenges. I love a good challenge–a big performance, peer review, promotion, journal article. But, I realized recently that part of what’s keeping me stuck in this relapse cycle is a feeling of… apathy, maybe? That’s not quite the right word, but I don’t know what is. It’s not depression, necessarily, orContinue reading “The Work”

If Only…

I think on a regular basis that if only I could get my eating/bingeing/purging under control, I’d be able to achieve the body I’ve always wanted. I mean, my exercise and training game are on point, and I’m dedicated to my physical fitness. It’s something I go crazy without, and so I invest in it–myContinue reading “If Only…”

Not that bad…

I recently had another spiraling-out.. a weekend with lots of bingeing and purging. It was a combination of a lot of things, really. My mom was visiting, my schedule was chaotic, I wasn’t able to exercise as much, there were lots of sweets around, and plans kept changing and throwing me off. I feel likeContinue reading “Not that bad…”

Day 6.

Today was a good day–not without its challenges, but a good day altogether. I felt fulfilled in my work, present as a parent, and relatively “in control” of my eating and feeling about food. But, as I end this day, I feel that nagging anxiety that I can’t quite figure out. I can feel aContinue reading “Day 6.”

Day 5.

I am working on naming the emotions I’m feeling in the moment, and trying to get to the root cause of them. My therapist has suggested writing an action list for how I can start to feel better about these things, or how I might respond to a “worst case” scenario, but sometimes it’s hardContinue reading “Day 5.”

Day 4.

This has been a fulfilling weekend, with lots of family time. But, we were stuck inside all day Saturday with a kiddo’s tournament, and all day today due to miserable icy weather. I indulged in some larger portions and higher-fat foods than I usually might, and I’m in my personal “hell week” — the weekContinue reading “Day 4.”

Day 3.

It’s hard this time. I’m noticing that I’m once again sort of sad at the thought that I’m giving up my ED. It’s a weird connection, a grieving process that’s somewhat unexpected. I just feel tired these days, sad to be losing a coping mechanism. Not a good one, but nonetheless my go-to for soContinue reading “Day 3.”

Day 2.

My anxiety has been running high lately, and I finally had a session (after, frustratingly, several re-schedulings) with my therapist. She urged me to think of why I feel these waves of panic, and I think I’ve finally come to some truths. I think that I am scared, which is not comfortable for me. InContinue reading “Day 2.”