I recently had another spiraling-out.. a weekend with lots of bingeing and purging. It was a combination of a lot of things, really. My mom was visiting, my schedule was chaotic, I wasn’t able to exercise as much, there were lots of sweets around, and plans kept changing and throwing me off. I feel likeContinue reading “Not that bad…”
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Day 6.
Today was a good day–not without its challenges, but a good day altogether. I felt fulfilled in my work, present as a parent, and relatively “in control” of my eating and feeling about food. But, as I end this day, I feel that nagging anxiety that I can’t quite figure out. I can feel aContinue reading “Day 6.”
Day 5.
I am working on naming the emotions I’m feeling in the moment, and trying to get to the root cause of them. My therapist has suggested writing an action list for how I can start to feel better about these things, or how I might respond to a “worst case” scenario, but sometimes it’s hardContinue reading “Day 5.”
Day 4.
This has been a fulfilling weekend, with lots of family time. But, we were stuck inside all day Saturday with a kiddo’s tournament, and all day today due to miserable icy weather. I indulged in some larger portions and higher-fat foods than I usually might, and I’m in my personal “hell week” — the weekContinue reading “Day 4.”
Day 3.
It’s hard this time. I’m noticing that I’m once again sort of sad at the thought that I’m giving up my ED. It’s a weird connection, a grieving process that’s somewhat unexpected. I just feel tired these days, sad to be losing a coping mechanism. Not a good one, but nonetheless my go-to for soContinue reading “Day 3.”
Day 2.
My anxiety has been running high lately, and I finally had a session (after, frustratingly, several re-schedulings) with my therapist. She urged me to think of why I feel these waves of panic, and I think I’ve finally come to some truths. I think that I am scared, which is not comfortable for me. InContinue reading “Day 2.”
Day 1
I don’t know how many of these “Day 1″s it is going to finally take. I was so certain that it would really, truly be my last “do over” when I started this journey little over a year ago. Then, I relapsed after 298 days in recovery. And, now I’ve relapsed again. So, here weContinue reading “Day 1”
Day 3. Again.
I had a decent run, and then I had a weird trigger after 12 days… So, here I am again only 3 days in. My “trigger” was a collection of things. The usual stress that I experience during this performance season–it’s usually my toughest period in the year. But, what I hadn’t expected was seeingContinue reading “Day 3. Again.”
Family
My parents came to visit for the Thanksgiving holiday. This is different from most previous years, where we traveled with the kids and tried to see everyone on both sides of the family in four days. That was exhausting and stressful, but it was also fun to catch up and see everyone for the holiday.Continue reading “Family”
“Monitoring”
I feel like I’m back in a more solid, controlled space. I recently read the book Overcoming Binge Eating by Christopher Fairburn, and the second part of the book is a self-help guide centered around CBT. It contains a few charts and detailed instructions on how to complete the different steps in the program heContinue reading ““Monitoring””
I Quit: Giving up Bulimia 