Tag Archives: ED

This is a triggering word, I know. It’s an even more triggering feeling. There is really no simpler way to put it than: I feel fat. My arms feel fat, my cheeks feel puffy. I keep squeezing the flesh around my midsection thinking, Fat, fat fat. I hate that I am 40 years old andContinue reading “Fat”

Like many with EDs, I don’t always love to look at photos of myself. There are a few “sanctioned” pictures that I keep up around the house–those wedding and family photos that I have determined are “fine.” But, other than that, I sometimes find myself sucking in my breath when someone posts a picture ofContinue reading “Photo”

I routinely fight against the feeling of straining fabric. It’s hard not to notice when your pants are a little more snug, or your arms are pressing up on your blazer sleeves in an uncomfortable way. I know that those of us with EDs are particularly attuned to these minor shifts in how our bodiesContinue reading “Strain”

I am feeling a calmness recently that I’m proud of. I’m also struggling with my typical “summer anxiety” as it commingles with my usual anxiety. These are contradictory emotions, certainly, but I’m trying to recognize and live with both. I am relatively at peace with things right now. We have an absurd and stressful situationContinue reading “Contradictions”

I really only look at my recovery day counter these days when I’m writing these posts, but I accidentally clicked on it the other day when it was at 40. I realized how different this time around feels. Last time, 40 days felt like SUCH a long time; I wrote a blog post on howContinue reading “Different”

I was feeling pretty down yesterday morning into the early afternoon. There was a series of stressful challenges at work, the house thing is awful and beyond ridiculous (the zoning commission is headed by a brand new inspector who actually said that he wants to “make an example” out of us and has shut downContinue reading “Reversal”

I’m in a good place with my eating, I guess. I’m not worried about it, and I haven’t had any urges or episodes lately. I feel like I’m back on more solid ground with my recovery and that the ED voice is getting progressively weaker. At the same time, I’m bothered that I don’t knowContinue reading “Highs and Lows”

This has been a very busy time professionally, and I’m currently at a conference where I presented two different workshops and performed an important solo performance in front of 200+ peers. So, high-stress and high-stakes. I’m proud of the way I handled my eating this week, and it wasn’t even at the forefront of myContinue reading “Safe”