What horrible words: “fat camp”. For SO many reasons. The pejorative adjective, the idea that people of a certain size need to be rallied together in a concentration-like camp to physically change something about themselves. My mother-in-law once came to our house and joked that she always loses weight when she comes to visit, thatContinue reading ““Fat Camp””
Tag Archives: eating disorder
Ridiculous
Sometimes, I feel ashamed not for the bulimia itself, but for even daring to have an eating disorder. My life is so good. I have everything I’ve ever wanted, and I am truly, deliriously happy. Even if I weren’t, I am healthy. I have all my limbs, fingers, toes. I have no major ailments orContinue reading “Ridiculous”
Gown
I will be one month shy of 40 when I am a bridesmaid for what I imagine will be the last time. I have not had that much in my life—I’ve only had a handful of very close girlfriends, was never in a sorority, only have one female relative my age. So, I will wearContinue reading “Gown”
Fatigue
I have noticed for a long time that I am tired, SO TIRED, when I go to visit my parents. They live several states away, so I don’t see them very often on “their turf”–it’s hard to travel with small kids, and especially over the last pandemic year, we only made the trip once (aContinue reading “Fatigue”
Puffy
These are the days I hate, the days that scare me and shake my resolve. During the four or five days before my period each month, I just feel so puffy. My face feels chipmunk-esque. My stomach puffs out, inches come out of nowhere and adhere to my hips. I feel like my insides allContinue reading “Puffy”
Maintenance
I was reading online about when an eating disorder is considered recovered. (Don’t worry, I understand that I’m nowhere near… just curious about it.) One site listed stages of recovery and suggested that the final step, “Maintenance,” is achieved when a person has been in active recovery and establishing new behaviors for six months orContinue reading “Maintenance”
La Croix
I am addicted to sparkling water. I love it all–Bubly, La Croix, Aha, generic brands. My husband would argue that he’s also addicted to sparkling water–we go through enough to quench the thirst of an army every week. But here’s the difference: I am ACTUALLY addicted to it. I drink a beverage 100% of myContinue reading “La Croix”
1998
I promised my therapist that I would go through my old journals to find out exactly when I mentioned “bulimia” for the first time. I don’t really remember my first encounters with this disorder. There have been SO. MANY. I used to be a fanatic journaler. I would write pages upon pages nearly every day.Continue reading “1998”
Rest
Today is a “rest day” for me. As in, I won’t tax my already taxed body by demanding it physically atone for my sins (eating). I have long begrudged these days—they’re wasted, frivolous, unproductive. I feel like I’ve failed in the omission. But, I’m working in therapy on “allowances,” and this is one thing IContinue reading “Rest”
Ordinary
I blend in pretty well–I’m a “normal” looking white woman who dresses stylishly (I mean, in my own humble opinion), but not remarkably. I may be more physically fit than the average 40-year-old mom of two, but basically, I’m not going to stop traffic or garner second glances out in public. As I’m this farContinue reading “Ordinary”
I Quit: Giving up Bulimia 