I was reading online about when an eating disorder is considered recovered. (Don’t worry, I understand that I’m nowhere near… just curious about it.) One site listed stages of recovery and suggested that the final step, “Maintenance,” is achieved when a person has been in active recovery and establishing new behaviors for six months orContinue reading “Maintenance”
Tag Archives: eating disorder
La Croix
I am addicted to sparkling water. I love it all–Bubly, La Croix, Aha, generic brands. My husband would argue that he’s also addicted to sparkling water–we go through enough to quench the thirst of an army every week. But here’s the difference: I am ACTUALLY addicted to it. I drink a beverage 100% of myContinue reading “La Croix”
1998
I promised my therapist that I would go through my old journals to find out exactly when I mentioned “bulimia” for the first time. I don’t really remember my first encounters with this disorder. There have been SO. MANY. I used to be a fanatic journaler. I would write pages upon pages nearly every day.Continue reading “1998”
Rest
Today is a “rest day” for me. As in, I won’t tax my already taxed body by demanding it physically atone for my sins (eating). I have long begrudged these days—they’re wasted, frivolous, unproductive. I feel like I’ve failed in the omission. But, I’m working in therapy on “allowances,” and this is one thing IContinue reading “Rest”
Ordinary
I blend in pretty well–I’m a “normal” looking white woman who dresses stylishly (I mean, in my own humble opinion), but not remarkably. I may be more physically fit than the average 40-year-old mom of two, but basically, I’m not going to stop traffic or garner second glances out in public. As I’m this farContinue reading “Ordinary”
Supplies
Eating disorders are secret affairs. We carefully, so carefully, hide them for decades, from everyone. They are shut up and shut out, closeted demons. Today, I stumbled upon some skeletons in the literal closets. We have a large house with lots of bathrooms, and I only occasionally use some of them—the guest powder room downstairs,Continue reading “Supplies”
Missing
My eating disorder was with me for over 20 years. So, I guess it makes sense that I miss it sometimes. There are nights when I really, really wish I could just throw up my dinner. Sometimes it is when I actually have overeaten a little and feel uncomfortable; sometimes I just feel nostalgia forContinue reading “Missing”
Allowances
My therapist asked me what I wanted to start allowing this week. What did I want to start accepting as OK that was otherwise not OK, what could I allow to drift into the gray area that had previously been white/black, all or nothing? And so, I decided to try to accept three hard workoutContinue reading “Allowances”
Wham
Sometimes my thoughts just hit me out of nowhere, hard. Tonight, I was sitting on the couch resting for the first time today, with one kid snuggled up on my lap and the other next to me, after I’d just gotten home from a long day at work. And all of a sudden, right outContinue reading “Wham”
Gratitude
After my therapist suggested that my body hadn’t actually failed me in my children’s births, I have been trying to practice gratitude for the things it has done done for me over these past 40 years. I am grateful to my body for pushing through my own challenges at birth. I was born with collapsedContinue reading “Gratitude”
I Quit: Giving up Bulimia 