eating disorder – Page 2 – I Quit: Giving up Bulimia

Taking Care

The summer is typically my time to reset. It’s a busy time with running the kids to a million camps and activities, but my own work schedule slows way down and my work can be completed at home whenever I choose. So, it’s typically my time to take care of myself–doctor’s appointments, haircut and color,Continue reading “Taking Care”

Weary

My soul is weary. I spent last night reading about the tragedy in Texas, and sleep was not to be. Today, my 4-year-old’s last question before she got out of the car at school drop-off was, “Mommy, were the kids who were killed scared?” I am so weary of this. My soul aches every timeContinue reading “Weary”

Pity

I had a good therapy session this week, in the way that typically happens: I went in with a list of things I thought I wanted to talk about, but actually ended up talking about something else for the whole hour. We’ve started meeting only once a month, which feels OK, but I’m thinking ofContinue reading “Pity”

Signs

I feel like the road signs in my life are pointing in so many contradictory directions. I don’t know which signs to trust, and I’m starting to feel lost. I had blood work done at my most recent doctor appointment, and I am not happy with the results. Things are all over the map. Basically,Continue reading “Signs”

10.

My recovery is solid, and I feel strong. Those are true statements. And yet… I went to another doctor’s appointment today, in the way that I typically take care of things in these unicorn weeks when my school year is over but my kids’ is not. I always get a haircut and color, see myContinue reading “10.”

Fat

This is a triggering word, I know. It’s an even more triggering feeling. There is really no simpler way to put it than: I feel fat. My arms feel fat, my cheeks feel puffy. I keep squeezing the flesh around my midsection thinking, Fat, fat fat. I hate that I am 40 years old andContinue reading “Fat”

Estrangement

I am watching this terrible show on HBO. Or, I should say, I think it is terrible–it is campy and overly dramatic. The dialogue is lacking, and the plot spirals back upon itself in a way that is annoying. And yet, I keep watching it, because I have run out of truly good shows toContinue reading “Estrangement”

Photo

Like many with EDs, I don’t always love to look at photos of myself. There are a few “sanctioned” pictures that I keep up around the house–those wedding and family photos that I have determined are “fine.” But, other than that, I sometimes find myself sucking in my breath when someone posts a picture ofContinue reading “Photo”

Strain

I routinely fight against the feeling of straining fabric. It’s hard not to notice when your pants are a little more snug, or your arms are pressing up on your blazer sleeves in an uncomfortable way. I know that those of us with EDs are particularly attuned to these minor shifts in how our bodiesContinue reading “Strain”

Contradictions

I am feeling a calmness recently that I’m proud of. I’m also struggling with my typical “summer anxiety” as it commingles with my usual anxiety. These are contradictory emotions, certainly, but I’m trying to recognize and live with both. I am relatively at peace with things right now. We have an absurd and stressful situationContinue reading “Contradictions”