Man, I don’t know what is up today. My husband and my kids are grumpier than they’ve been in a long time. I’m not necessarily in the best mood myself, but I’m trying. I’m writing this on Sunday, so it’s a “stay home” day, and pouring rain all day to boot. This brings me toContinue reading “Mood”
Tag Archives: eating disorder
Headaches
My daily morning headaches have returned, and I can’t quite figure it out. I’m not really anxious or more stressed than usual. I truly do believe that they are psychosomatic many times, but I am frustrated not to be able to suss out the root cause. I have felt lately that I’ve lost my “neutral”Continue reading “Headaches”
Seriously?
So, yesterday I wrote about the “women’s retreat” I begrudgingly am participating in with some colleagues (friends?). I wrote that it is uncomfortable and a bit ridiculous, but sometimes feels worthwhile. I’m not going to take that back entirely, but I am going to vent for a minute. Today, we were talking about something inContinue reading “Seriously?”
Self-Love
I am doing something this week that I never, ever would have thought I’d do. I am attending a “women’s retreat” in the home of a colleague, which she is leading for a group of 12 of us from my university. We span several age groups–mostly 30 through 40-year-olds, with two younger and one olderContinue reading “Self-Love”
Drained
I guess I’m just emotionally drained lately. I keep thinking of how I should respond to my mom and why I can’t get my heart to listen to my head. I KNOW that I shouldn’t let her responses mar my memories or taint my feelings toward certain events, but I just can’t make my heartContinue reading “Drained”
Guilt
I grew up in an incredibly conservative religious denomination with a narcissistic mother and bipolar father. So, I’ve experienced a lot of guilt over the years. I legitimately feel guilty right now, which just brought out a realization: I haven’t suffered from lingering guilt in a long time–at some point, it stopped being the normContinue reading “Guilt”
Raw
I have struggled to find appropriate words for what I’ve been feeling lately: “depression” seems to severe and official; “low mood” sounds dumb. I am feeling irritable and sad more often lately, but those too seem to common descriptors to assign to this, which feels decidedly uncommon for me. I feel like I’m suddenly anContinue reading “Raw”
Mom X
I’m angry. My mother has again taken an important or exciting thing in my life and made it about her–or twisted my feelings about said event unfairly. This time, it was the news that I’d made full professor. She called and said in an angry tone, “Well. Congratu-LATIONS. I wish I would have known aboutContinue reading “Mom X”
Dates
Some dates just seem to leap off the page–happy dates and sad dates. We have collective dates like this–September 11, for example. Yesterday was one of those dates for me–my estranged brother’s birthday. I couldn’t stop my thoughts from flitting to him throughout the day. I didn’t necessarily have any associated feelings–I didn’t feel angerContinue reading “Dates”
Replacement
I was talking through my recent sadness with my therapist, and she asked with what I had replaced bulimia. I didn’t have an answer. While bulimia was obviously not a healthy stress response, it was a response. When stress and anxiety started to overcome me, I would binge and purge. The relief was immediate. Now,Continue reading “Replacement”
I Quit: Giving up Bulimia 